Prevent Marital Turf Wars
Q: My husband and I have been married for 37 years. Like many couples, I'd imagine, we've fallen into a routine where I take care of some chores and he takes care of others. One of the chores he handles is the bill paying. But, I've come to realize that, if something were to happen to him, I don't have a good handle on our financial situation. So, I offered to share the bill-paying tasks with him. He said that was fine; but, I strongly sense he feels I'm invading his "turf."
Our first evening of bill-paying together ended in bickering. I'm confident that we're well-set, and that he isn't hiding any financial troubles from me. So, what's going on?
-- Sarah L., Portland, Oregon
A: First of all, congratulations on your marriage of 37 years! That is a testament to your relationship and how well you have managed to deal with assorted conflicts through the years! Developing routines and establishing roles with which you both are comfortable is a functional and highly effective way to manage a household (and a marriage).
That said, I completely agree with you that you should have a "good handle" on your financial situation for exactly the reason you stated: What if something were to happen to your husband?
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Advisorama
Power is the ability not to have to please.
Sharing bill-paying chores
Both should have an interest in paying the bills. If one is better at going through the grind, the other should at least be on hand to consult, and to aware of where the money is going.
In more than one instance I can name, one partner took care of the bills (to "take the load off" the other), and managed to syphon away significant money before the inevitable divorce some years later.
--Mike On the Way to the Web
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